Alastair was accustomed
when he London bound voyaged
to use Privet-5 untolled
’til Charing Cross Hedge is joined.
The Golden Mile tolls once payed
the good old town was opened
up and our Lord Badger played
in the delights of The Smoked.
But still a thousand years hedged
can be undone with axe flashed
or mad insects infested.
So part of Privet-5 died.
Alastair near past Herb rushed
to brightness of abolished
hedge. He skid and averted
stung eyes and so Herb appeared.
“You there! Hedgehog! What happened?”
“Lord Alistair sir! I’m pleased
to see you. It’s demolished!”
“Speak sense, man, be not begrudged.
Tell me what wrong has occurred:
for my way to Thames bended
has now been thus up-ended.”
The hedgehog to prepare edged
off to the side but was blocked
when Alistair’s foot appeared
right then. “Sir. It was shakened
I was, out of my hole bed.
This morn, sir. A great clumped, caked
earth gob on my chest landed.
My wife, my child I quick rushed
away like priests Henry Eighthed.”
Stomp! Crash! The Lord’s stamp dusted
the hedgehog who froze. Shivered.
“You try me, Herb. What happened?”
“Sir.” Herb, his whiskers he flicked,
for such was he commandeered.
“I know not. Saw a yellowed
wall past my upthrust head scratched
taking privet, all, unearthed.
I know not why. I then, scared,
hid my hole! Mine safeguarded.
‘Til you came, I’m dumbfounded.”
Herb shook and Alistair looked.
“Calm! It’s not you to be blamed.
But tell me, will retreated
you be from this place up teared?”
Herb stood tall. “No. Parts so weird
I shall not try: we are firmed
to stay here and have all prayed
that yellow wall’s not returned.”
“Good chap. Solid! Somewhat soiled.
You stay. Yon breach shall be watched
by you and your kin ’til healed.
I shall retire guarded
by notions all is secured.”
So it came to be enlored
that Lord Alistair enstayed
in the country till he kicked
off this mortal coil unpeered
’cause his way was interfered
despite the old hedge bypassed.
Nothing made this Lord enticed
to try any course once changed.