All phone calls are obscene.
– Karen Elizabeth Gordon

I consider myself a man largely skilled in modern ways and yet I whole-heartedly agree with Karen Gordon’s sentiment above. Why? My lack of technical skill with this device? Not likely. I’ve mastered much more complex instruments of torture: even the diabolically blinking VCR time problem has fallen to my nerdish wiles. Perhaps it’s my inability to connect with others via Alexander Graham Bell’s device. Possibly. After all there is no body language to interpret. Only the nuance of the voice can be relied on and that’s … well that’s a subtlety I admit I’m not the greatest with. And I’m damned because of it. Millions of years of simian evolution in the use of our binocular vision to determine just what the hell our spouse is saying and then we’re expected to know the in’s and out’s of a 132 year old contraption which we are forced to pay monthly for. O the torture. The years of life on hold! Cell phones!! The … ARGHH … telephone solicitors!!! Have you ever wondered about how phone and phony are so close? Think about it!


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