This is a blast from the past. It’s a Space Opera serial I did way back in 1980 when I worked on my high school newspaper. The story was called “The Education of Mike Moonblazer, a spacial soap opera a la Gorf.” Gorf was my nickname then. I’ve only corrected some of the spelling and grammatical mistakes. This was done on Gestetner sheets and any of you who’ve used those knows how difficult it was to correct mistakes.
Stella Starstruck strapped herself in for what she hoped would be an uneventful trip to the moon. The shuttle was one of the line of Meteor Starlines (Ltd) who always upheld their advertising logo: “For the Blast that will Last, Fly Meteor–We’re Fast.”
“A Blast alright”, Stella remarked to herself as the craft was escaping the gravity of Earth, “my ears are still ringing.” A siren broke her thoughts followed by:
“Attention! This is your flight Captain speaking. Please familiarize yourselves with the following in-flight accident precautions. In the event of an alien attack, do not panic, I am fluent in a total of three alien languages. I will try to talk them out of firing. I am also a master of Interstellar Judo and…”
His words were a low mumble in Stella Starstruck’s mind as she looked at the video screen image of the Captain. She was starstruck by his handsomeness.
“Boy is he gorgeous and so brave as to inflict injury on marauding aliens,” Stella thought to herself, “Why, if marauding aliens were to attack right now I’ll bet he would defend his passengers and me to the very end! And he’s much better looking than Dwight or Phil or Marcus or JR or Buck Rogers or even Luke Skywalker, he’s too much, and a ‘hunk’, besides, too.”
Meanwhile, back on the screen “and last but not least, if a case of space-(or home-) sickness should arise please depress the blue button on the service panel at each seat marked, ‘Janitor’ and assistance will be provided. Thank you and have a good flight, this is Captain Mike Moonblazer signing off.”
Moonblazer stepped out from the projecting alcove and sat in the command chair situated conveniently in front af the shuttle’s command controls and the front viewpoint commanding a clear view of their destination — the moon. Its silvery light blocked out all stellar illumination (star light).
“Isn’t Luna beautiful from way up here Miss Spacely?” Moonblazer said in his deep, romantic, and rich voice, “It kind of reminds me of when I was a little kid on Earth looking up at the Moon at night!”
“Just call me Sheila, Captain Moonblazer,” the natural blond flight hostess and co-pilot answered, “Yes it is, sir, it always fills me with romantic feelings.”
The Captain cleared his throat nervously and said, “Well now, isn’t that something… yep that’s something alright, yep!” (The Captain has always been shy with women since his relationships with Donna, Philamena, Marcine, Jeannie, Colonel Dearing and especially Princess Leia).
“Captain, what does this flashing red button mean? Is something wrong?” asked the startled Sheila.
“That? Oh, that’s only the marauding alien alarm” Moonblazer replied nonchalantly only to be followed by “-Oh no!!! Look! That’s the airlock alarm now flashing– they’re boarding! I’ll have to go confront them.”
End Part l.
Will Mike live to meet Stella?
Will Luke and Leia ever love again?
For these and much, much more wait for the next installment.
–1980/10 published in The Grapevine Volume VI, Issue I–