Something more interesting than sex

I was struck by this from my quote of the day feed:

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
- Aldous Huxley

It certainly is funny but is it really true? After some considered musing I’ve decided that it has some measure of the truth and that I could consider myself an intellectual at some few, relatively isolated, times in my life.

Overdue

You should know
there’s no dust
on my books: I’ve not let them sit,
honest.

My tension rises
I’ve no way
to quell it
and I read as fast
as I can.

But the vocabulary
doesn’t slide
so easily
it pushes against
resistance.

And yet I feel so empty.

And stopping would be giving up.
Wouldn’t it?

-2008/04/24-

The pack

They sit around
the remains
from the hunter’s skill
everyone
waiting
to see who will brave
the still
body.

They
none of them
growl but
the eyes glint
at other purposes.

A young female
darts in and bites
quick but has to shake
and shake
to pull meat from the
tattered skin and bone.

A few of the onlookers yip
playfully
enjoying her difficulty
in being first
but envious all the same
as she drags a morsel away
smiling.

Two hungry heads
lunge in
and politely
tag agile turns
at the midsection.

Then the rest
dive in
but I wait
quietly
thinking what
they’ll be like
for mine
next week.

-2008/06/16-

Clay Pot Cooking

My wife came home with a clay pot cooker a couple of weeks back and I wasn’t immediately impressed but cooking with it has made me into a convert. I should have known better since Karen really does buy great cooking gear.
I have to say that clay cookers rock! The recipes are easy to put together (you basically just throw things into the pot) and the only real difficulty is having to soak the cooker in a sink full of water for 20 minutes before. No pre-heating the oven and less energy is used since cooking times for, say, a chicken are way less than what we have been used to with conventional pots.
I’ve made 40 Clove Chicken three times now using this recipe and it only takes 75 minutes and tastes amazing. I’m looking forward to trying out other recipes with this ancient but environmentally modern cookware.

If a tree falls on our street does anybody hear?

Most emphatically Yes!
A few weeks back some young men representing city officials showed up on our street and cut down a healthy maple which was somewhere between 60 and 80 years old. I don’t want to tell the story about how this happened although I strongly believe an article should be written in our local paper about it. There is an important cautionary tale to be heard here. Especially since it was, at best, a stupid mistake. At worst it could be something darker… maybe like a criminal interest in firewood. The house owners aren’t sure they want the story told so I’m not going to.
No. I’m going to write about the impact on me.
I wasn’t there to see this tree fall so I can’t answer Bruce Cockburn’s question about hearing it. I certainly heard the impact on neighbours and saw how this amazing shade bringer (which our short street is well known for) cracked the side walk as it came thundering down. Like it was outraged. I saw how the stump oozed life-giving water and nutrients for at least a week after it was cut down. It was a violation. That’s how I feel: my neighbourhood has been violently violated. And just so needlessly.
Perhaps this is a little thing in a world where people are going hungry (needlessly), rain forests are being cut down (needlessly) and the climate is being raped (needlessly) in the self-imposed wrist-slashing we call global warming (notice how it’s not ‘human-imposed global warming’ but rather something that sounds like we weren’t responsible). Maybe it’s a blessing to the tree to be taken down before it parches its way through a slow death due to climate change. Maybe I am just (needlessly) annoyed at a little less shade during the hot years to come. Maybe I don’t like the (needlessly) possible impact on my property value.
But to me it’s more. Not to go too deep ecology or anything but this was an organism older than most humans on our street. Mr. Maple deserved to live as much as I or you did. Well that’s just crazy talk, that is. Maybe. But as I ride up the street these mornings, beside the tangible lacks, there’s something… something else… that’s missing.

29th Annual Speed River Cleanup

This was the first year I have participated in the cleanup of one of our local rivers: the Speed. The event, hosted by OPIRG and sponsored by Meridian, Remax and RLB, was well attended and a lot of fun. The section I was with did the northwest side of the river from the Hanlon Overpass to the sand volleyball courts (the second weir southwest of Edinburgh Rd). This was a kid friendly part of the cleanup and the kids with us seemed to enjoy it very much.
Our biggest finds were a picnic table, truck tire complete with rim, a folding chair and a plastic rug runner. The most interesting critters we saw were two large river snails (with a spiral shell) over 2 inches in diameter each, a painted turtle and a few catfish. There were many crayfish and other critters too.
The event wrapped up with a barbecue and entertainment at McCrae House.
I would certainly do it again and try to drag the Wii kids with me.

One of the freakiest books

I believe that Man after Man: An Anthropology of the Future (1990) by Dougal Dixon should be among the top ten freaky books of all time. My copy is well thumbed through but I haven’t read the entire book through: it’s just too unsettling what might happen with genetic engineering. Check it out of the library and see if you don’t agree.
Dixon studied Geology and Palaeogeography but is best known as an incredibly productive writer (over 100 books) of science (especially Dinosaur books) and speculative science for children and adults. Another of his titles you might find as fascinating (and perhaps less freaky) is After Man: a Zoology of the Future (1981).

Improved SQL Server Index Scripting from Excel

I covered Index Scripts using Excel in an earlier post but I was obliged to make my spreadsheet do more over the past few workdays. Basically I needed to allow multiple indexed fields and multiple included fields. The following solution works for any situation between 0 and 3 of both.
My spreadsheet contains the following columns (so ‘Table’ is in cell A1):

• Table
• Field1
• Order1
• Field2
• Order2
• Field3
• Order3
• Include1
• Include2
• Include3
• Notes (this field isn’t necessary but I like to use to remind me how I decided to use this particular index)
• MultiField
• MultiInclude
• Index Name
• Insert
• Drops
• Reorgs
• Rebuilds

Your table name, of course, goes in the Table column (cell A2) and likewise we put in up to three Fields to combine for your index and their respective orders (ASC or DESC). Any included fields (only included in the leaf portion of the index and so contribute less size to the index) go in the the three Include columns. Those fields or includes you don’t use are left blank.
To break down the work a little I have the formulae broken up into the MultiField, MultiInclude, Index Name and Inserts columns.
Here’s the MultiField formula:

=IF(ISBLANK(B2),”",IF(ISBLANK(D2),”["&B2&"] “&C2,IF(ISBLANK(F2),”["&B2&"] “&C2&”,["&D2&"] “&E2,”["&B2&"] “&C2&”,["&D2&"] “&E2&”,["&F2&"] “&G2)))

The MultiInclude:

=IF(ISBLANK(H2),”",IF(ISBLANK(I2),”["&H2&"]“, IF(ISBLANK(J2),”["&H2&"],["&I2&"]“, “["&H2&"],["&I2&"],["&J2&"]“)))

The Index Name:

=”perfindex_”&A2&”_”&IF(ISBLANK(B2),”", IF(ISBLANK(D2),B2, IF(ISBLANK(F2),B2&”_”&D2,B2&”_”&D2&”_”&F2)))&IF(ISBLANK(H2),”", IF(ISBLANK(I2),”_incl_”&H2, IF(ISBLANK(J2),”_incl_”&H2&”_”&I2,”_incl_”&H2&”_”&I2&”_”&J2)))

And the Insert:

=”create nonclustered index ["&N2&"] on [dbo].["&A2&"] (“&L2&”) “&IF(ISBLANK(H2),”",”include (“)&IF(ISBLANK(H2),”",M2)&IF(ISBLANK(H2),”",”) “)&”with (statistics_norecompute = off, sort_in_tempdb = off, ignore_dup_key = off, drop_existing = off, online = off, allow_row_locks = on, allow_page_locks = on) on [primary];”

The Drops, Reorganize and Rebuilds fields are for Index administration.
Formula for Drops:

=”drop index “&A2&”.”&N2&”;”

Formula for Reorgs:

=”alter index “&N2&” on “&A2&” reorganize;”

Formula for Rebuilds:

=”alter index “&N2&” on “&A2&” rebuild with (fillfactor = 90);”